Thursday, July 13, 2006

July 13th, 2006 - Leaving San Francisco

I left San Francisco for Munich after meeting everyone at the CT Yankee in Potrero Hill for a beer(s) the night before. While sitting around the table with those people, I had a good feeling about being there as well as about leaving. These were all the people with whom I spend my time while home, but they were also people who had gone out in the world and had amazing experiences. They all seemed to have a confident perspective of where and how they fit into it all. Of course, I'm sure this is partly because everyone thinks that everyone else has it all figured out.

Despite natural anxiety and being a little overwhelmed by the scale of this my first motorcycle trip, I was excited by the prospect of my adventure and felt like this was really the right thing for me to be doing. Like some outside perspective and exposure to experiences out of my comfort zone might help me get some things straight. For various reasons I'm trying to figure out, I've always been a little too "in my head" and not out in the world. Now of course, that doesn't mean I haven't done great things and had great interactions with people in my life, because I have. It's just that even while doing those things, I’ve tended to have this subtext going on in my head that has sometimes prevented me from really "being there" and sometimes talked me out of wanting to be there.

The question was, what's been going on with this subtext while I've been happiest in my life? Has it been happily confirming what I've been doing or has it been conveniently silenced or ignored during those times? When it's active, is it an overly critical straight jacket that keeps me from doing anything with confidence or is it a somewhat well-honed safety mechanism that while frustrating is actually keeping me from settling.

So I figured, what better way to try to get “out of my head” than heading somewhere where I don’t speak the language, choosing a solitary form of transportation, and strapping on a helmet for 8 hours a day?

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